#DearFutureGirlfriend, this is how I will treat you every. single. morning.
Due to recent events in my life, I feel things will be much different now. They have to be.
It was hard to sleep the night before, but I found myself waking up at 8am and falling back asleep just to avoid being awake and dealing with my feelings. I woke up two hours later and woke up to a state of confusion and misplacement.
Lately I’ve found myself in the affairs of others rather than my own. I’ve discovered I’ve spent the last 11 months of my time on YouTube tending to the dilemmas and problems of others as I neglectfully let my own problems grow into a heap of mess that I feel too intimidated to even sort out. Feelings weave into other feelings and complicate the thoughts in my head. These are deep words that may not mean much to you, but I am more than satisfied with at least becoming able to come into realization of my problems and admitting where I went wrong.
My projects have lacked and eventually came to a halt. There are time where I’ve been sidetracked and delivered poor quality works when I knew I could have performed so much better.
I’ve lied to myself for the longest time and I’m happy with realizing this despite the guilt I feel from hurting myself all this time without knowing it. It’s lonely having to lie to yourself with reassurances like “I’ll be okay” and “You’re making good progress”. People do it always to believe in themselves, but sometimes the hardest person to have faith in is ourselves. And so I’ve been feeding myself these lies just to appear happy in front of everyone. My friends, I apologize for my lying. I am not always as happy and smiley as I appear.
Because I couldn’t trust in myself, I laid my trust onto friends. Sadly, the online world has it’s limits. Thank you Sohly for letting me truly understand what this means. As painful as it is to take it and accept it, nobody can truly be there for you unless they are face to face.
This is my first formal explanation of Simple Systems, a project I developed many months ago. It was something I made for a self-discovery, but soon faded when I lost track of myself and began losing who I really was. I blended into the trends, dissolved into the sea of voices, became a ‘nobody’ who felt that nobody would notice me.
Friends like Salina, Gray, Jelly, Ion+, and Yuku tested the many sides of me for the last six months, and thanks to them.. I would not be here writing to myself today. Thank you. I’ve loved, hurted, laughed, cried, and each moment made me stronger with each experience I had. I began to reach the point of being self-sufficient.
I think I’ve finally found what makes me.
I think I’ve finally found love in myself.
This is Project Simple Systems: The Reboot Phase.
so this is my first time drawing on a tablet…. i’m still REALLY working on it but i need help with shirt designs :/